A Thank You Note

Dear 13 Year old female Student:
This is your substitute teacher writing to tell you thanks. Thank you for stealing my cell phone on Friday at school. Thanks for taking the time in between class to go into the gym office and rummage through my stuff. Thanks, also, for going through my personal belongings in my purse and giving me the opportunity to know the feeling of violation in the utmost personal way. Thank you for entering my life, even if for just a few short hours, by assuming my cellular identity and using up 20 text messages, all of which were nasty, especially for an 8th grader. A big thanks to you for letting me know your indentity in one of your text messages. Thank you for attempting to call my cellular provider to set up your new cell phone account. I know every move you made on my phone, every call you made and every message you sent (at 75 cents a pop).Thank you, for real, for not taking my credit cards, my military i.d., my Palm Pilot, or my car keys. Thank you for, upon realizing we had beat you at your own game by calling the cell provider to turn off my service, giving the phone, which didn't work, to that boy at lunch. He was showing of "his" new phone to his friends just at the same time Mrs. C, the one on the lookout for my missing phone, walked passed. He got in trouble for your stupid choice. He's the one who was questioned in the principals office, who had to hand them the phone that belonged to me, and who had to turn your sorry self in. Thanks again, 13 year old female student, who made my Friday a most interesting and lucky day. Interesting because 3 other things were stollen out of the locker room that day; lucky because it was a slim chance they would have found my phone the same day it went missing. Thanks for reminding me to guard my belongings from little weasles like you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Hubert, gym substitute