I've been in a bit of a funk lately. Normally not one to air my dirty laundry (per se) on my blog, it's just gotta come out and about now is a good time.
I feel guilty because:
1. Breastfeeding didn't work for me because my milk never really came in AND it's hard reading SO MUCH about breastfeeding being the best. I get it, I know. I feel bad enough that apparently my son is going to get sicker and loose out on nutrients, etc., etc., etc., but cut a new, tired momma some slack--I'M DOING THE BEST I CAN, OK??
2. Sometimes I smile when I see Erich crying because his lips curl together to make the "w" sound as in "WAHHHHH." It's sometimes the cutest thing and sometimes I just hold him and watch him wail because I love seeing that little "w" forming.
3. All the sleeping books I've been perusing on getting my baby to sleep say it's a no-no to let them sleep in the swing for naps. But, you know what, he sleeps in there much longer for naps than in his crib!! And about sleeping....I'm feeling guilty because Erich wakes up one time in the night to eat--around 3am--and I complain but some babies at this age STILL wake up several times a night. He does sleep in his crib at night, though. And another thing about sleeping, I'm feeling guilty because I tried to get him to fall to sleep on his own last night (rather than rocking him or swaying him or holding him till he dozed) and I let him cry for 10 minutes without success. I know, I'm a horrible mom. I know it'll eventually have to happen that he falls asleep on his own, but the WAHHHHH at that point isn't so cute!
4. Again, BREASTFEEDING!!! AHHHH!!!! I see women doing it now ALL over and I see those cute nursing covers and I see it over and over it the books I read, "Breast is best....you bottle feeders are GOING TO BABY HELL because you don't breastfeed," (not really) and OHMYGOSH, why couldn't I have gotten it to work for me?!?!?!?!
I'm frustrated because:
1. I love my husband dearly but sometimes I wish Ben could/would do MORE to help out. Sometimes I'll let the baby cry a little longer than normal just to see if Ben will do anything...pick him up, ANYTHING. But nope. He's content to keep watching TV. Or go water the plants. Or eat. True, he works full time AND has school.....
2. BREASTFEEDING!!!! Even though I took heart in Ben's aunt Linda's advice ("A happy mom is better than a frustrated or stressed mom, " which she told me after about two weeks of unsuccessful and frustrating breastfeeding) I am having a hard time LETTING THIS ONE GO!!!
3. I need to get out of the house more. I'm feeling cooped up and lazy!! I need actual face-to-face contact with some girlfriends. This is one thing Ben doesn't understand I don't think because again, he's content to come home from work and WATCH TV ALL NIGHT!!! I'm SO SICK OF tv!!!! I worked up courage to take Erich on a walk yesterday but the whole time kept looking behind me in case, in some fluke accident, another dog came up and bit my leg!!!
Ok...enough said. I feel a little better.
1 week ago
6 comments:
Okay. This deserves some comments.
1. You are no the only one who thinks her baby's sad face is adorable.
2. Nor are you the only one who wishes her husband would pick up the baby as soon as he starts crying, just becayse he wants to. I have learned you have to ask. If Ben is anything like my husband, he just doesn't get it. That he should just help out. He needs a direct invitation.
3. You are not a bad mom for letting him cry. I'm so tired of books and magazines full of baby doctors explaining how you are going to ruin their lives. Do what feels right to you, what your instincts tell you. And you will be fine!
You know I always find it refreshing when people are "real" on their blogs and share a little frustration...cause really..we can all relate! Have you seen a lactation specialist? Breastfeeding is HARD. And Erich won't die if you don't get the hang of it. But it seems like you really want it to work. It took over a month for me to get it to work with my twins and I wanted to give up MANY a times (and almost did a few times). But I went and saw a lactation consultant...got a hospital grade pump. I would nurse, pump...mix with formula and then feed them the formula (mixed with a TINY bit of breast milk). Did that for a month until my milk FINALLY came in. I also had to take an herbal supplement and a prescription from the pediatrician (Reglan). All that work and I still only nursed for 8 months! It is HARD and little Erich will be fine either way so don't stress.
Got to love honesty! I think I am too honest on my blog sometimes.....
You are an excellent mother-no need to lecture you on that. I KNOW how hard and frustrating it can be to all of a sudden be thrown in this new role. I still get so angry with the Mr. about helping out around the house. Like Rachel Sue said above, I finally had to ask. There was no way he was just going to "get it" and pitch in. A few times he would get frustrated at me for asking, but hello?!?! This is his kid too.
As for getting out-at least you are learning that now instead of later. I still have that problem. I don't get out enough. Espcially since I don't work. I stay home ALL DAY. Which, don't get me wrong-is a choice I made and I like it, but it is hard work.
Too bad we don't live closer, it would be great to hang out.
ps-Sorry for the crap you get about breastfeeding. It is a tough thing to do. I hope those guilt feelings go away. You have a healthy happy baby boy and who cares where he gets his food!
You need to give yourself more credit! Erich is happy and healthy and that is most important! You are a great Mom. Just keep doing the best you can! Also, every women/mom goes through these frustrating moments! It is good to vent! As far as the sleeping thing goes. Davis wasn't a good sleeper until I read the book, "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" by Dr. Ferber. This book is amazing! It gives you tons of advice and then you pick the solution that is best for you and your baby. I have read a lot of books about parenting etc. and this is the best one yet!
Don't be so hard on yourself! It's not your fault that you couldn't get breastfeeding to work for you two. Personally, I had a really rough time BFing baby #1 and #2, and it didn't become easier at all until #3. And there was really no reason either, it just.. suddenly worked! lol. I think you're an amazing mommy. And look at all those awesome formulas out there- I was SURE that they had to be more nutritious than my breastmilk, which was certainly laden with Big Macs and ice cream. Eek.
I feel you on wishing the hub would help out more. I do the same thing still, when Liam gets fussy in the mornings.. I wait it out to see if Brandon will get off his duff and help him. Usually all I get from Brandon is a nudge with the elbow and a sleepy "Make a bottle..." Yeah, thanks hon. ;)
OK--I'm not a mother at all, just an outsider, but if it makes you feel any better, I have known other friends/relatives who had difficulty breastfeeding and went to the bottle. You're not alone in this, and sometimes, you just have to let go and do the best you can. I'm sorry you struggled with all of this. We really should get together and have some girl time!
Post a Comment